Fannish. Freak. Dork. Geek. JUST SUE!

[crazydiamondsue]

I've been reading the SPN wank here and there and I have to say that, fandom...this is one time I don't get it. I understood (even though I thought it was stupid) the whole "Respect Jensen and Jared" wank. I think. I understood the "Zomg...incest is real even if Sam and Dean aren't!!" wank. I understood the "BNFs Should Be Friends" wank (I guess...God, that one was really stupid) and heaven only knows how much I enjoyed the "Physical Proof of Jensen's Hot Girlfriend Makes My Masturbatory Fantasies Seem Fruitless Despite Resultant Orgasm" wank.

What I don't get about THIS most recent wank (post "The Monster at the End of the Book") are the people who feel 'outed'. You're not T.R. Knight and Kripke isn't Perez Hilton. Chill. I get the people who feel that the treatment of fandom was somewhat dismissive and perhaps a tad mean spirited. I don't feel that way. But I get it. "Those wacky slashers with their tramp stamps and hard-on for brother!cest." If that's what you felt, okay, valid.

BUT.

It's the people horrified that slash was mentioned and that they've somehow been exposed that are head scratchers over here in "I'm a Grown-Ass Woman, Who Are You to Mock My Two Dudes Kissin' Love?" land. Yes, Deansgirl1, you've been found out. Your Granny totally knows. Okay, caveat: I can understand if you are a 35-year-old media executive and Eric Kripke mailed a copy of your Wincest classic "Brother Lover, Lover Brother" to your boss with your real name following "written by." I can see that it might raise a brow. Possibly conflicts of all kinds of interest.

What is odd for me is the reaction of people who feel as if they now need to explain slash. 'Cause I think Sam did that pretty well. The nice part? Neither Sam nor Dean reacted to the same-sex angle, merely to the familial one. I enjoyed that. Maybe it's because I come from a fandom with borderline canon slash (Spike/Angel, etc) and extra-textual slash (a same-sex relationship for a previously only-written-as-straight character in the Buffy comics) but allow me a moment of BFD: so some (or you!) might write same sex relationship stories. So? And? If the "The L Word" called, you wouldn't take a RL, same-sex writing gig? ('Cause, God, someone needs to.)

I think part of my befuddlement here comes from being so much older than the majority of SPN fandom. I've been a self-supporting adult since 1991. I've been married since 1992. I stopped caring what my parents "found out about me" sometime during the Bush, Sr. administration. One of the comments from someone fearing an awkward conversation about slash with their dad made me laugh so hard at the image of my dad (who thinks that a fax and email are the same thing) attempting to Google my fic from his IBM selectric.

But I'm proudly a geek, a dork. I've turned in papers on fandom to professors. I've rec'd my fanfic to professors (albeit those who were Angel/Buffy fans.) If the subject came up, I've told pretty much all of my real life friends -- including my baby brother -- about my fandom activities. THEY DON'T CARE. This, to them, is just another bit of dorky in a long line of dorky.

You want me to out myself? Things I have done loud and proud:

I was a cheerleader who really cared about the team, even though I didn't understand the sport(s). I did small town college theatre -- badly. I sang in show choir -- badly. I wrote bad poetry -- badly. I collected Barbies -- sadly. I use Mary Kay. I eat meat, no make that beef! I believe in Jesus. I'm an ex-Baptist/Pentecostal. I've worn Laura Ashley dresses. I wore acid wash, flannel and fake, vinyl Doc Martens in the 90s. I had Lee Press-On hair. I had a mullet. I've gone to more than one craft show. I scrapbook. I love Pampered Chef. I love Elvis movies. I was a really big Milli Vanilli fan. I know all the words to "MmmBop!" I wrote and performed in every skit every performed at my school and church -- gleefully. I was the only person in my class to go to college right out of high school. I was the only virgin in my graduating class. I was laughed at by every friend I ever had in high school or junior high for: reading, using correct spelling and knowing the correct conjugation of the verbs "to be" and "to see."

I live in OKLAHOMA -- the state so backward that it makes West Virginia regularly breathe a sigh of relief. The fact that I once wrote and still read slash fiction (albeit not typically incestuous slash fiction)? Not a blip on the freakin' radar as far as any of my friends, family and acquaintances are concerned.

But then, I am a thirty-eight-year-old, emotionally independent, stay-at-home mom with a tenured husband in the one industry NOT rattled by the current economic climate. I have nothing to lose by my dorkdom. I'm not just a geek, nay, I am a dork - because I'm happy about being a geek.

I. Am. A. Dork. A slash reading, formerly slash writing, totally fandom-whoring, unashamed-of-my-fannish-tendencies DORK. But I'm also cute and funny and sometimes hard working and people seem hellbent on liking me, despite my faults, my most grievous faults.

But so far? Being a loud and proud geeky dork has not cost me a job (and I wasn't always a Mommy -- I've been a VP, an ESL educator, a college admission advisor...) or respect, I was a Baptist deacon's wife, a happy homemaker and pretty soundly admired for my happy marriage and, well, normalcy in a state full o' family drama.

So if you're in the geek closet, feel free to school me on why, but I'm lettin' my freak flag fly in all its dorky glory.

...but I'd still never wear a Supernatural t-shirt in public. Have you seen those things? The cotton-blend is so cheap and skimpy and the colors are glaring and harsh and since when are Sam's eyes cerulean...

*Oblique **spoilers** for SPN 4.18 and meandering discussion of wank

Comments

[snglesrvngfrend.livejournal.com]

Just more agreement, here. I tend to be oblivious about fandom wank, and that's deliberate. I discuss the show with my flist and squee with capslock_spn. That's it. So I usually hear about these things from others, just like this.

It sometimes feels to me like fandom is barely tipping the scales in the positive direction. What I mean by that is, it usually feels like 51% entertainment, enjoyment, writing (this bit's particularly important to me!) and other good things, and 49% wank and the like. How does everything get blown up so much? I'm not suggesting anyone's genuine feelings get minimized or disregarded, but sometimes? You just have to remember that it's just a show. It's fictional. I'm sure there are all kinds of things happening on shows I don't watch that I wouldn't like. Sometimes there are things happening on shows I do watch that I don't like. But how much does it matter, really? I think what a lot of people are missing, here, is perspective.

You have that perspective. Also? You're 800 kinds of win. Your geek pride makes me so happy. Keep on keepin' on.