Does Anyone Remember Laughter?

[crazydiamondsue]

Okay, since dovil has been house sitting and computerless (and dealing with exotic, hereditary skin maladies), stoney321 has decided to step up with the bad!fic and has brought us the greatness of Wee!Spike, based on a thought in dovil's journal regarding Angel's fic penchant for calling Spike "Little One." If you're missing your bad!fic fix, this may be for you.



Intro to Wee!Spike This is dovil's original post, you'll have to scroll down a bit until you see Stoney's "Bad!Fic Untie" comment that heralds the creation of Wee!Spike.

Mormons, Eclairs and Wee!Spike You'll have to scroll down past the tale of marauding Mormons (or read it, it's funny) to get to the weeness.

Still Wee

Wee!Spike does Bad!Song!Fic!

ETA: Comments to this post were an "anonymous" fic written by tgray. The fic can be found in its entirety here: Two Hearts Lost

Comments

Part 20

[(Anonymous)]

Xander stood in front of the bathroom mirror, both hands on the sink, staring at his haunted reflection. “You are such an idiot.”

He gathered the cold water into his hands, splashing his face and then ran his wet fingers through his hair. Why did he do this to himself? Why didn’t he leave when he saw Spike’s name on the roster? If he’d been smart, he could have avoided the entire situation. Instead, he fell back into the same old feelings, which ended up giving Spike hope. Hope that would be shattered as soon as Xander made him realize that they’d been wrong. That it was a mistake. One that could never happen again.

For the next three days, Xander pretended as if nothing had happened. He tried to forget that they had kissed and touched and felt the connection that had always been so easy between them. He especially didn’t think about the look on Spike’s face, the passion and love when Xander took him between his lips. That Spike had called his name when he came. And that was the stupidity in a nutshell.

His stupidity in his lack of resistance, of common sense when he was around the other man. Might as well have just taken Spike’s ass. Condom be damned because what he’d done was just as dangerous. He’d been lost in it, wrapped around the sight, the taste and feel of a fantasy. A dream he’d lost where he was normal and could do normal things with his normal boyfriend. Where for once, he didn’t have to wear a double layer of rubber that made it almost not worth the effort in the first place.

Almost, because he’d had that, too. The feel of arms around him, hands gripping tight even if it was just to make it easier for them to fuck him, was better than being alone. There’d been countless men, nameless faces after William had left. Until Xander wised up, pulled himself out of the gutter of self pity and realized his selfishness would be the death of some unsuspecting fool.

From then on, he was careful, looking for someone only occasionally to fill the void, using two condoms and never letting them touch or be touched, even if it was just to have the ill-illusioned security of thinking he could avoid subjecting them to the same fate he was stuck with.

But then there was Spike. The one man who made him hate that he couldn’t have it all. That made him want to take chances against the odds. He’d looked into the blue eyes that held so many shared memories and experiences and his selfishness returned. He wanted Spike all or nothing and didn’t think he could handle settling for halfway.

So Xander put on a show of bravado and resorted back to the old standby that always seemed to work for him. Avoidance. When Spike asked to catch a movie together, Xander was unavailable. When Spike suggested a game of billiards, Xander was feeling sick and needed a good night’s sleep. When Spike invited him back to his apartment, he sighed uncomfortably, wanting nothing more than to give in and go with him, but he resisted, making another of a hundred excuses.

Re: Part 20

[crazydiamondsue.livejournal.com]

God, you've really captured Xander's fear here. How he tried to hide it in excess and now how he's buried it by avoiding any intimacy at all. I hope Spike can find a way to break through all of that. {{hugs story}}