The wind comes sweepin' down the plain

[crazydiamondsue]

You knew I was gonna have a Great State Fair of OK-lahoma post, right? This is for my girls karabair , adis723 and stoney321 , but the rest of my flist is welcome to mock along with us.

First of all, let me open by saying that, in case you’re picturing me with less teeth and more Harley tank-tops than you should, everyone in Oklahoma goes to the Fair. Search your memory for what you know of Oklahoma. What else would we do in September? (Besides high school and college football.) So yes, we’re all at the fried cheese stand come fall. It reminds me of when one our former governors called in to a local radio station after one of the deejays said that only white trash eats at the Fair.  He called to say that, if that’s so, he must be white trash as well. (And keep in mind that this is the same governor famous for the quote: “Let me get this straight – crack is for black trash and crank (meth) is for white trash?”)
 
The day started out with the bummer that 7-11 no longer offers discount Fair tickets. Frickin’ Fair Nazis. We then made the mistake of getting two of the largest, gooiest cinnamon rolls known to man. Bleah. They were great, but bad idea for a hot day of walking. We visited the display buildings (acres of hot tubs, full-size cab pick-ups and crocheted OU vests.) There were also many, many Republican information booths, as well as representatives from “Defense of the Family,” “Keeping God in the Family,” “Life Choice” and “Jesus – Why’d I Choose to Have a Family.” I asked Caza where the Democrat info booth and the representatives from Amnesty International, Planned Parenthood and the World Wildlife Foundation were. The answer? A) It’s not 1990 and B) this isn’t the Arts Festival. Ah. Moving on.
 
After we walked by the rides for a while, we caved to the attraction and bought tickets. Standing in line to ride the (I’m not sure….Vomitron? Shaken Baby Syndromatron?) and listening to Nelly blare out of the speakers, I remarked to Caza that the rides had lost something since our youth. Hip hop just ain’t scary. I don’t want to have the piss scared out of me to thumping bass and grunts of “Uh-uh.” Am I horny? Am I scared? Confusion ensues. Fair rides call for “Crazy Train” or “Runnin’ With the Devil.”
 
So we made our way to a ride that was rockin’ Poison’s greatest hits. Spinning around in circles, getting dizzy while being pressed up against a tall skinny guy while “Unskinny Bop” came roaring out of Peavey amps? Now that’s keepin’ it real, dirty. With my hair up in a ponytail and my thighs sticking to the hot metal bucket I was riding in, I felt fifteen again. (Except my feet were reminding me that I was thirty-something, grumbling, “Why’d you have to wear platform sandals, you stupid bitch?”)
 
We stood in line way too long for the Ferris Wheel, but as I watched two forty-something women in big, furry pimp hats coast by above our heads, Caza made my day by leaning over and yelling, “Ya-Ya!” I love that man.
 
The haunted house ride broke down just as the doors closed behind us, trapping us in a 110 degree metal room that’s even scarier with the lights on and a big ass carnie trying to get the cars unstuck while muttering, “Motherfucker,” under his breath.
 
A few giant pumpkins and cute cowboys (inspiration!) later, we ended our day with a corndog (for me) and a banana crepe (for Caza) while hearing Ecuadorian pan flutes play “Tears in Heaven” behind us. And if you’ve never heard Clapton done by pan flute…well, you’ll have no idea how very right it is. (It was impossible to tell if demons were summoned by the pan flutes, due to the rampant toothlessness, shirtlessness and bralessness that surrounded us.)
 

We ended our day with a cold shower (nah, not from the cowboys – we had that carnie smell workin’) and wondering if we shouldn’t have gone back to the Made in Oklahoma building to buy the Weiner Dog Crossing road sign we’d had our eyes on…

 

Comments

[anelith.livejournal.com]

I lost count of how many times I laughed reading your account of the Day at the Fair. I really needed that after a day cooped up with the kids during a torrential downpour all. day. long. Thanks so much.

[crazydiamondsue.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad I could give you a giggle! I wish we could have had some of your rain - it was hot out there. We're old - we got hot and had to come home and nap. :)

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

Did you buy an invisible dog? Cotton candy? Turkey leg? Nothing says a hot day like walking around with a turkey leg and a pimp hat.

Funnel cake! Foot long corny-dogs! Crocodile on a stick! Jalapeno everything! Car show! THE MIDWAY!!! I am so jazzed about going to the fair. 4-H tents! Crafts! Canned goods! (Mr. Stoney leaves me when I go there, he looks for the German food tent...)

I still had 30 pounds of baby fat on, weird hair-do growing out, and by the time we left the fair, I felt like the most beautiful woman in the world. Best. People. Watching. Evah!!

[crazydiamondsue.livejournal.com]

Dude - I was so freakin' hot it was all I could do to eat the corndog! Indian Tacos are my fave - but I just felt too bleah. Eddie had to mock me at the 4-H tent (he's such a city boy) because I was on the 4-H Meat Judging team in high school. I can point out good meat marbelin', darlin'.
Oh, the people watching - my favorite was the chicks dressed like they were going clubbing. Their black half-shirts clinging to them with sweat, their make-up pouring down their faces - yeah, I felt so cute in comparison.

[cityphonelines.livejournal.com]

rampant toothlessness, shirtlessness and bralessness that surrounded us

Watchin' Oklahomans on the loose is now my main reason for making sure I get to OKC sometime.

So, what your saying between the Vomitron, ill-placed hip-hop, platform sandals and heat is: you had fun!

carnies builty this country!

[likeadeuce.livejournal.com]

. . . at least, the carnival part of it -- Homer Simpson.

this fair writeup was all I hoped it would be, doll!

Re: carnies builty this country!

[crazydiamondsue.livejournal.com]

You got your Wesley icon!!! Love it.
I'm glad the Fair Report did not disappoint. The fair seemed to inspire Caza, however, because he came home and went to work on Anya's story (well, after a prolonged nap.) We were snuggling on the couch (I was watching ST:4 Save the Whales and thinking of you) and he asked me what I thought Anya would call Xander's penis and I leered and said, "I know what I'd like to call it." He just stared at me, waiting for an answer, with this look on his face like,"Yeah, yeah, you're hot for Xander, we get it." Some people take all the fun out of imaginary celebrity infidelity.

[crazydiamondsue.livejournal.com]

Fun was had by both, however, I was so tired last night that I feel asleep at 9:30 (I was watched "Bewtiched, Bothered and Bewildered" and peering over Caza's shoulder as he wrote Anya part 6) so now I'm up at 3:30. Oh, well, the dog had to go out anyway.