crazydiamondsue: (SMCD)
Pairing: Spike/Xander
Rating: NC-17 overall
Beta: [livejournal.com profile] adis723

Previous Parts


PART SEVEN

Xander slammed his apartment door behind him, heard it bounce against the door jam and turned and slammed it again. That felt really good, so he jerked it open and slammed it one more time. From across the hall he heard faintly, “Knock it off, asshole!”

“Knock yourself off, asshole,” he answered back to his empty apartment, and then looked around nervously, as if the empty pizza boxes, beer bottles and piles of dirty white socks were going to mock his passive aggressive comebacks.

He leaned over and ripped at the laces on his work boots, yanking them off and tossing them and the latest in a long line of grimey socks into a pile with their brethren. He quickly tore at his t-shirt, tossing it to land over a lamp, as he started clawing at his chest. God, he felt like he’d stripped naked and rolled in insulation, not just hauled rolls of it around all day. Hell, even his ass itched, and he didn’t remember utilizing it in any of the grunt work he’d volunteered to do today. He tried to remember that he was paid really well for that grunt work, but that didn’t seem to matter when he felt like ripping his skin off to stop the itchy burning.

He shouldn’t have stopped by to see the girls first. He should have just come home and scratched, and maybe it wouldn’t have gotten this bad. But he knew if he didn’t tell Willow that he was going to wait until tomorrow morning to mow, she’d be standing on the porch watching for him for hours and then doing that freaky telepathy shit to get into his head, and it would probably be right at the moment he was groaning the name of the Evil Undead in the shower and then there would be mental blushing and stammering and ye gods, he itched!

He shoved his jeans off and his boxers went the way of the t-shirt, casting the room into a gloom that fit his mood and made the shriveled pizza slices and puddles of beer look somehow artsy. He felt a little better without anything next to his skin, and indulged in a full body scratch that had him throwing his head back and moaning a little at the feeling.

You’d think after Anya left, his penis would have decided to take a well deserved vacation, but it seemed to have found new inspiration. And we’re not thinking about that inspiration, he said to himself as he went to turn the shower on and jumped beneath the spray, not waiting for it to heat up. This one was about cleanliness, not getting stickier. He groaned a little, his eyelashes fluttering in relief as he felt the gritty itchiness wash off.

He used extra shower gel, getting a good lather going and then frowning as the traitor between his legs tried to make its agenda known. “No,” he said sternly and then rinsed, wondering if the definition of insanity wasn’t dumping your beautiful, sexy girlfriend or fantasizing about the person who headed up your own personal shit list, but talking to your own genitals. Well, that’s one I won’t be going to Willow with, he thought, grabbing a towel and giving himself a cursory drying.

Right now he was just going to enjoy being home and making the most of what was left of a spectacularly shitty day. He slipped into a pair of drawstring pants and headed back into the living room. At least he was clean, a feeling he’d found himself enjoying more and more lately. It seemed all he’d done in the past week was work, shower, eat, shower, sleep, shower. And too much of this, he thought, looking down at the beer he unthinkingly pulled out of the refrigerator. One or two a couple of nights a week after work was one thing, yeah, but…he looked around the apartment, realizing he’d begun building a virtual Stonehenge of beer bottles.

He set the bottle, unopened, on the end table and dropped down on the couch. Okay. So no fizzy beverages. Food would be good, but the thought of ordering pizza or Chinese again made his stomach roll. Why didn’t McDonald’s deliver? They were missing out on a goldmine.

He ran his fingers through his hair and was considering how big of a pain in the ass it would be to run grab some tacos, when he saw it. He turned his head slightly, looking out onto the darkened balcony. At first he couldn’t see anything but darkness and his own reflection in the glass, and then there it was – a red glow that brightened momentarily and then dimmed.

Xander jumped up from the couch, his bare feet landing squarely in the open pizza box peeking out from under the coffee table. He stumbled over it and jerked open the patio door, the street lights illuminating the leather clad back leaning against the railing, a waft of smoke rising above an unnaturally blond head.

“Spike,” Xander said, letting all of his frustration, ashamed excitement and disgust at feeling a dried black olive stuck between his toes color the word.

“Hello, lover,” Spike said, turning with a sultry head tilt. He watched Xander stare back at him, the edges of the boy’s full lips twitching. “What?” Spike asked, frowning, the mood thrown.

“I’m sorry,” Xander said, spreading his hands. “Lov-ah. I don’t know whether to punch you or point and laugh.”

Spike pitched his cigarette over the balcony railing and started toward Xander, his head lowered and fists clenched. Momentarily thrown by the dangerous vibe Spike was giving off, Xander jumped back into the apartment, grasping the doorframe to steady himself as the beyond pissed off vampire stopped just short of the barrier.

Seeing Spike stop just in time to avoid being humiliated by an invisible smack down, Xander snickered. “Well, this could be fun.” He reached a hand through the doorway, poking Spike in the middle of the chest and then jerking his arm back. Spike lunged for him, slapped his hand against the barrier and jumped back with a curse, causing Xander to laugh harder.

“Oh, yeah, this has all kinds of possibilities,” he said, his eyes gleaming with an evil joy. He was just getting ready to see if he could mess up Spike’s hair without sending the vampire into chip-overload, when Spike was suddenly against the barrier, so close their lips were almost brushing, but separated by something Xander couldn’t see or feel.

“Don’t try it, Harris.” The voice was a low growl, and the eyes said he was way beyond kidding.

The laughter left Xander’s face and he looked at Spike for a moment, putting more space between them. “Then go home, Spike.”

“Invite me in.”

Xander’s eyes widened, and then he laughed again, shaking his head. “Uh, no.”

“Why not?”

“Because I didn’t wake up stupid this morning.”

“Huh. Whole new world, was it?”

Xander backed up, closing the door in Spike’s face. “Say goodnight, Spike.”

“Harris – fuck. Xander, you’re bloody brilliant, alright? Christ.” Spike sighed, reaching a hand up to stop in front of the closing door. “Look, I just want to talk for a bit, and then I’ll leave.”

“Talk about what?” Xander asked, the door half-closed so that he could just make out the pale gleam of Spike’s hair and one deceptively innocent blue eye.

“Well, for starters, how about you explain what that power trip in the cemetery was all about.”

Xander kept the door cracked and gave Spike a weary look. “Okay, obsessive, much? That was like a week ago. Move on, Spike.”

“We kissed, Xander,” Spike’s voice was low, and his eye never left Xander’s face. “Well, you kissed me, anyway. I was just trying to keep from biting your sodding tongue off. Didn’t think it was worth the headache.”

“Right. And that was your stake I felt grinding into my crotch? Oh, wait, it could have been your lighter…”

Spike thumped against the barrier again, sputtering. “My lighter…? Oh, you poncy little bastard.” Spike stopped, dropping his head against the barrier. “Harris. Invite me in.” He looked up, his eyes meeting Xander’s. “Please.”

Xander opened the door, looking back at him. “If you make me regret this, Spike…”

Spike looked up hopefully, grinning slightly as Xander sighed hugely, stepping back. “Come in, Fangless.”

Spike was halfway through the doorway before he looked back, glaring at the laws of mystical whos-its accepting that name.

“All right, Spike,” Xander said, walking back toward the couch. “I’ve had a shitty day, I’m hungry, I’m tired and kind of itchy. So say what you’ve got to say and get out.”

Spiked smiled slowly, rubbing his thumb against his lower lip. “Yeah, I uh, really enjoyed the floor show.”

Xander turned, seeing the pile of pink fuzzed clothes on the floor behind him. He groaned and looked back at the smirking vampire. “You sick fuck,” he sighed, dropping back down on the couch.

“So,” Spike said, clapping his hands together and grinning at Xander. “What would you like to talk about first? How much you’re dying to see a floor show of your own, or how you want to handle my stepping into old Rupert’s shoes as headmaster of the Scoobies?”

Xander stared up at him, his mind in the place of the naked Spike show, but his mouth still working independently of it. “You? Leader of the Scoobies? How the hell did you arrive at that?”

“Well, it’s obvious, innit?” Spike said, crossing his arms and looking down at Xander. “Red’s too unstable to do it, what with the occasionally wonky magic, and her pretty little bird couldn’t lead a litter of puppies and the Bit’s too young. And you’ve got that whole Sybil thing going on right now, so naturally I figured…”

Xander got to his feet, crossing his own arms and suddenly remembering that he was shirtless. He crossed his arms tighter and sneered, “Spike, we wouldn’t follow you if you suddenly walked on water.”

Spike dropped his arms, stepping closer to Xander as his eyes narrowed and his voice lowered. “Well, I think you’ll change your mind, mate, the first time something comes up that your little witches can’t chant away. Trust me, there’ll come the day that you’ll wish I was riding shotgun on your ass when you feel fangs jabbing into that hot little neck.”

“Why the hell are you even still here, Spike?” Xander said, his voice rising even as Spike’s had lowered. “She’s gone. She can’t see this…hero shit you’re trying to pull. What, you can’t be the Big Bad, so you’re gonna try for Chosen One? It doesn’t work like that, you arrogant ass. I’m not going to put the few people I have left in the hands of a self-involved, delusional vampire who wants to play the good guy.”

“And I’m not doin’ this for you or her,” Spike said, his voice still low, steely, dangerous, as he moved ever closer, eyeing Xander’s defensive stance. “If you’d just stop and think for one fucking minute, you’d see you’re putting all of you in greater danger by not letting me -”

“Sell us out? Screw us over? Or get bored and get us killed?” Xander said, his arms rising to ward Spike off, even as he moved a little closer to the glaring vampire bearing down on him. “I don’t know what we’re going to do now, Spike, but I’ll be damned if I let…”

“Oh for fuck’s sake, Xander,” Spike said, his agitated breathing kicking in as Xander’s hair brushed his forehead. “Shut your gob and kiss me.”

“Fuck you,” Xander muttered as his hand jerked out and pulled Spike to him, his lips grinding down hotly onto a cool mouth as frighteningly strong hands gripped his arms and jerked him even closer. Xander flicked his tongue across Spike’s lips, earning him a gasp that allowed him to deepen the kiss, moaning as Spike’s hand left his arm and reached up to bury itself in his hair.

His bare chest was crushed against warm leather, and one leg thrust between Spike’s, rubbing against the growing hardness there as they both opened their mouths wider, demanding more from each other. Xander pulled back slightly, sucking Spike’s bottom lip into his mouth and nipping it lightly with his teeth. He took a shaky breath, leaning forward to rest his forehead against Spike’s, feeling the vampire shuddering against him.

“This is still a really bad idea,” Xander said quietly, his eyes closed.

Spike ran his hands down Xander’s bare back, bringing them together tightly as he slid his fingers into the waistband of Xander’s pants. “It’s about to get a whole lot worse,” he said, lowering his lips to Xander’s chest.

Continued

Date: 2004-09-04 06:45 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] tgray.livejournal.com
wow... you just had to leave it there, didn't you????

Date: 2004-09-04 07:04 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] crazydiamondsue.livejournal.com
I've *missed* you!!! Were's my latest "Discoveries"??? Your pornathon rocked, btw, many hours of enjoyment.

Yeah, I have to write my first smut in the next chapter. :::can I get a hug?::: Trust me, the pornathon's gonna come in handy. :)

Date: 2004-09-04 08:29 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] tgray.livejournal.com
LOL... writing Discoveries as we speak. Hopefully up by tomorrow if not later on tonight.

Squee! Smut!! *hugs you very tight with promises of excellent porn writing vibes sent your way*

Loved the porn ficathong list... :-) Everyone did great!

Looking forward to your next part!

Date: 2004-09-04 07:10 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] paynbow.livejournal.com
Ack! Evil woman, leaving it there! *g*

Date: 2004-09-04 07:13 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] crazydiamondsue.livejournal.com
:::cackles::: yeah, 'cause I'm scared of writing smut. I need a 3-day weekend, some tequila shots and the nekkid pics of Spike spikendru sent me :::drools:::

Date: 2004-09-04 07:20 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] paynbow.livejournal.com
Nekkid!? Ack! spikeNdru neglected to send them to me...*grumble grumble*

Date: 2004-09-04 07:25 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] cityphonelines.livejournal.com
You have naked Spike pics? Ahh! Share!
:: is trying to write her first smut, needs more inspiration, like for example NEKKID SPIKE ::

Date: 2004-09-04 07:33 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] crazydiamondsue.livejournal.com
Crap! I thought I saved them my message folder, but I must have deleted the email! I'll be emailing Spikendru and begging for a resend. They were lovely, one that must have been from the dailies that showed his cute little ass in the "dance belt." The other one was a manip, all blue and pretty...

Date: 2004-09-05 04:54 am (UTC)From: [personal profile] spikedluv
spikedluv: (darkhavensrideacowboy)
Eep! Oh, god, yes! That was...delicious. Mmm, loved the fighting and Spike's, just kiss me, and the bad idea that's about to get worse. Oh, yum. Yum, yum.

And, please, feel free to post every day if you can. *vbg*

Date: 2004-09-05 07:32 am (UTC)From: [identity profile] crazydiamondsue.livejournal.com
Using your icon as inspiration, I'm off to work on that bad idea! Thanks so much. *g*

Date: 2004-09-05 09:16 am (UTC)From: [identity profile] spikendru.livejournal.com
Wonderful! And loved the Xan-man talking to his penis!! (Does the penis ever answer? Inquiring minds want to know!)

Date: 2004-09-05 09:20 am (UTC)From: [identity profile] crazydiamondsue.livejournal.com
Nah, I think it's more a organ of action than words. Hee. Thank you for the lovely fb and the hot, hot Spike inspiration. :::snogs you hard:::

Date: 2004-09-06 02:38 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] kitty-poker1.livejournal.com
ext_6732: (Default)
Jut wonderful! It's about time those crazy kids got it together. Gotta laugh at Xander's surprise at the wonderfulness that is frottage. Okay, just guesswork here but I've got a damn good imagination. ;o)

You just spam your flist all you want ... oh, bugger! I haven't friended you. Running away to do that now. Hope you don't mind!

Date: 2004-09-06 05:17 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] crazydiamondsue.livejournal.com
The first time I ever read about frottage was in madpoetess' wonderful "Chocolately Goodness" and I was all "huh, really?" I was such an innocent! I figured Xander would have the same kind of "hey, cool!" (since he had the um, equipment, to enjoy it.) Hee. Thanks and friend away!!!

Date: 2006-06-04 04:30 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] savoytruffle.livejournal.com
loved the way you played their tension here.

Date: 2006-06-04 09:10 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] crazydiamondsue.livejournal.com
I like some things I've written, love others, dislike many, but Xander telling Spike they wouldn't follow him if he suddenly walked on water...yeah. That one I like. :) Thank you!

Date: 2006-06-12 01:32 am (UTC)From: [identity profile] cordelianne.livejournal.com
*flails* As C. notes above, the tension rocks in this chapter!

I love how you capture Xander's grumpy mood after a long day of crappy work:
“Knock yourself off, asshole,” he answered back to his empty apartment, and then looked around nervously, as if the empty pizza boxes, beer bottles and piles of dirty white socks were going to mock his passive aggressive comebacks. I love how the description becomes part of a funny moment of Xander knowing he's being passive aggressive.

I adore the part about the insulation, because damn is it ever itchy and yucky. This bit is particularly funny: Hell, even his ass itched, and he didn’t remember utilizing it in any of the grunt work he’d volunteered to do today.

You describe everything so well that I can visualize it! And your portrayal of Xander rocks so hard. I love the funny of this part:
“No,” he said sternly and then rinsed, wondering if the definition of insanity wasn’t dumping your beautiful, sexy girlfriend or fantasizing about the person who headed up your own personal shit list, but talking to your own genitals. You are really able to balance the funny in Xander's personality with the more serious issues he's dealing with.

Why didn’t McDonald’s deliver? They were missing out on a goldmine. heee! And I thought you'd be interested to know that McDonald's briefly tried out delivery. In Kingston (where I grew up), they tested a lot of products and ideas because the city was a good test market size. I remember well when McDonald's delivered for about a year. We used to order from them every so often. The only problem was that the fries would be all soggy but it was sooo convenient. Um, I know this isn't really relevant but I just thought you'd be interested! *g*

I just adore the description of how Xander says Spike's name, it incorporates so many emotions and also has that funny reaction about the olive (which I love):
“Spike,” Xander said, letting all of his frustration, ashamed excitement and disgust at feeling a dried black olive stuck between his toes color the word. You've done such a good job of capturing how so many different thoughts and feelings can be happening simultaneously in that kind of moment.

The exchange between Xander and Spike is so wonderfully done. It builds the tension between them and then also has such funny, in-character reactions like this: “I’m sorry,” Xander said, spreading his hands. “Lov-ah. I don’t know whether to punch you or point and laugh.”

I get such a kick out of Xander poking Spike through the barrier! I love this part because it suggests the unspoken things that exist between them as well: when Spike was suddenly against the barrier, so close their lips were almost brushing, but separated by something Xander couldn’t see or feel.

Xander backed up, closing the door in Spike’s face. “Say goodnight, Spike.” teehee! They do have that kind of classic movie banter dynamic, don't they? *loves*

I love Spike doing all this posturing which is clearly covering up why he's really there, and likely his own insecurities as well. I love how many emotions Spike goes through here: Spike thumped against the barrier again, sputtering. “My lighter…? Oh, you poncy little bastard.” Spike stopped, dropping his head against the barrier. “Harris. Invite me in.” He looked up, his eyes meeting Xander’s. “Please.”

Oh yeah, this is an awesome line: “Spike, we wouldn’t follow you if you suddenly walked on water.”

Continued...

Date: 2006-06-12 01:32 am (UTC)From: [identity profile] cordelianne.livejournal.com
So I recall when I first read this - and this is still true now - that what I really adored about this story was how it captures what I love about the S/X dynamic; that they may be attracted to each other but there's all this dislike and anger towards each other, like in this passage:
“Oh for fuck’s sake, Xander,” Spike said, his agitated breathing kicking in as Xander’s hair brushed his forehead. “Shut your gob and kiss me.”
“Fuck you,” Xander muttered as his hand jerked out and pulled Spike to him, his lips grinding down hotly onto a cool mouth as frighteningly strong hands gripped his arms and jerked him even closer.


Oh and this whole part is also very very hot! But it's the tension and anger between them that makes me love this story, because that's how I believe it would happen between. *g*

Date: 2006-06-12 01:56 am (UTC)From: [identity profile] crazydiamondsue.livejournal.com
Heee! Thank you. I love that anger/sniping/snarking and then - boom! moment. Cordy/Xander. Buffy/Spike. (And the possibilities of Faith/Buffy and Spike/Angel *g*)

Thank you so much for your wonderful feedback, and I'm so glad you liked the anger/tension that develops and changes, because that's what I love, too. Thanks!!!!

Date: 2006-06-12 01:52 am (UTC)From: [identity profile] crazydiamondsue.livejournal.com
I'm going to ramble about stuff but first I will say: My dad was in construction (he's an electrician) and I saw him come home many times and bee-line for the shower because he was covered in insulation. I always thought it was pretty (pink!) but yeah, freakin' itchy.

Also, McDonalds: Okay. There's a bit of Buffyverse fic snark in these opening chapters. It's not malicious snark, but more of a loving grin at a few things. So many of the Spike/Xander stories I read involved them eating nothing but pizza or Chinese. I know what in canon, pizza was big on BtVS (delivers to research meetings and who doesn't like pizza?) and Chinese on AtS (they live in LA - where better to order Chinese?) but I read it so often that I threw that in for Xander, that the thought of either again made him hurl. Someone told me way back in the day that McDonald's briefly tried delivery but yeah, I think the fry thing killed that off. Pizza holds its flavor well. :)

Now - to the rest (kinda) one of the reasons that S/X worked so well for me was that I saw it with very similiar parrallels to Spike/Buffy. Buffy/Angel always had such a different feel...they got the chance to fall for each other before the vampire thing was really an issue, and then it just became yet another hurdle between them. Spike/Xander has that same flavor of snark/heat/desperation that Spike/Buffy always had for me it in its best moments.

Yeah, I think there would be anger/tension in the 'ship. I also think that, given opportunity, Xander could possibly come to see all the good in Spike that Buffy (and Dawn, and Joyce) came to see. That's why I hit so hard in chap 1 that Xander was "seeing" Spike for the first time. Not just Fangless, not just Evil Undead, but Spike. There were many moments for me in canon that Spike and Xander could have built an understanding...the moments in "Spiral" when Xander lights Spike's cigarette, after Buffy's death, when they're forced to share space in Season 7 (damn that First!) and after Xander's eye injury.

But I get that the Buffyverse had bigger fish to fry than "Can Spike and Xander be friends? Or more?" That's what fanfic is for. :)

I can read and enjoy fics set in what I term "Nowhere Verse" where the canon events don't really affect S/X and they just...are. I wanted to write them as close to canon as I could here, and see if I could still make them connect. Naked. :)

I think [livejournal.com profile] lillianmorgan posted a while back about a statement you'd made about the couples with tension. It's what interests me, too. I mean, I loved Xander/Anya and Willow/Tara, but it's that contast tug-of-war between characters that interested me most.

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