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Or: Why I enjoy fic that doesn't neatly tie-up a pairing with a romantic ending. (Although simply tying up a pairing is always a yes.)
It's not always about holding hands.
Wesley, Angel Season Four "Players"
Full-disclosure: Despite being a card carrying member of Generation X, I am not a child of divorce. I have also been married to my college sweetheart for almost 18 years and to say that our relationship is a happy one makes the word happy seem deficient. I don't know whether the following is because of that, or in spite of it.
I am a child of the 80s. I lay across my floral Laura Ashley bedspread (beneath Rick Springfield and Duran Duran posters) listening to Air Supply's All Out of Love and reading my mom's Harlequin and bodice-ripper novels. I don't have to tell you that romance novels were (are) formulaic and that for many of them, the big payoff is the "I love you" exchange on the final page of the book. It doesn't matter how many times the characters have sex, how many sets of twins they conceive or how many pirates, range wars or Fortune 500 companies they face down together, the emotional climax is always an "I love you! I've ALWAYS been in love with you!" epiphany right before "THE END."
I loved that as a teen. It was my big reward for slogging through heaving bosoms and throbbing manhoods and harem incarcerations or corporate takeovers.
And then the 90s happened and Kurt Cobain and Kathleen Hanna fueled my irony and cynicism and I started wearing the smudged eyeliner of gritty realism.
When I discovered fandom, I was surprised by how 'shippy it was. I was shocked by the 'ship wars, probably because I've never had a huge canon 'ship alliance. When Buffy/Angel was the the 'ship to know and love, I appreciated it for many reasons (I always loved her humor against his hesitance and simply their physical contrast. I will also cry every time they dance in "The Prom," but a lot that comes from my love of high school ritual in general and The Sundays in particular.) But when Buffy/Spike became "all the new cool thing" my reaction was...okay, picture Anya in the slides scene from the episode "Hush." When Giles shows his gory slides of The Gentlemen killing and taking hearts and the Scoobies look horrified but Anya eats her popcorn and shrugs philosophically? Pretty much my reaction to the switch in canon focus from Bangel to Spuffy.
I am an emotional 'shipper whore. I have read most, if not all, of the pairings one can 'ship in the Buffyverse (and lo, they are legion) and in the hands of a good writer and within the confines of their fic, I will believe that their chosen pairing works out in the end without ever stumbling over thoughts of, "But Buffy really loves X!" or "But Spike and (insert anyone here)'s love was eternal!"
Unless the writer solved that problem with "Because 'my chosen character' never loved the 'character to whom they professed canonical love' anyway!" At that point I'm just going to think, "Lazy writer! No cookie for you!"
But what I really love? When the writer doesn't give me that forever ending. When the story begins with a moment of connection and ends with an open-ended, "Could be. Maybe. If they're able to get over that gypsy curse, "Seeing Red" scene, magical addiction, wedding-that-wasn't or, you know, that just-not-being-canon thing."
I particularly like the angsty or ambiguous endings in non-canon, unconventional 'ships, whether they're f/f or m/m slash or not. Having been an alert observer of human behavior for 39 years (and one of those people others inexplicably confess things to) I can state within my own limited authority that people have sex (or even just a moment of connection) for many, many reasons. Loneliness. Despair. Frustration. Power-trips. Manipulation. Hell, even boredom. Or even something as simple as finding an inappropriate person inappropriately hot. Not always about holding hands, indeed.
I can believe a fic where Buffy and Xander have solace-sex post "Chosen" with absolutely no problem whatsoever. I'm going to think it's hot. I'm going to ache for both of them and their losses. But if the fic ends with a sudden profession of love, I'm going to be ruminating the rest of the day on their feelings for Spike and Angel and Anya and all of the realities of their fictional lives and I'll end in confusion and possibly pie.
By the same token, however, I would come to believe a fic that convinces me that Buffy and Xander or Xander and Spike or Spike and Angel or Buffy and Faith or Wes and Faith or Faith and Cordelia (you get the idea) arrived at an "I'm in love with you" moment as long as there was a sequence of events that lead to that point.
But honestly? I don't need it. Whether canon or unconventional pairings are used, I'm happiest when a fic shows why these characters shouldn't work together (vampire/slayer, Scooby/Person Who Hated Said Scooby), gives me a moment of connection (whether it involves smut or not) and then either leaves the ending open to my own imagination or demonstrates, again, why this can't work within the reality of the Buffyverse and sends the characters on their separate ways, a bit wiser but either accepting or dealing with the end of the relationship (or the fact that it never really began.)
I don't need my characters to be in love. I only need them to be in character.
Most of my favorite Spike/Xander stories are loves stories that aren't a love story. Most of my favorite B/A or Spuffy stories are angsty as hell. None of my favorite Faith stories have a finite happy ending (poor Faith.) The quickest way to get me to hit the back button on a fic is to tell me that Buffy's secretly been in love with Spike since "Something Blue" or that Xander has always loved Spike and secretly worries constantly for his safety or that Faith only strangled Xander because she loved him and, you know, she's just not that good with words.
Give me the angst! The sex! The humor! Tell me they hooked up because...it was a spell or that a wizard did it! I was commenting with![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
gabrielleabelle the other day about the believability of certain 'ships related to certain times in canon and she mentioned that there's "a shipper desire to have their pairing have a 'happily ever after' after all is said and done." She was speaking in general terms and I don't disagree with her, having read many a 'shipper fic in my day, but I believe that's when it dawned on me that I just really don't have that desire, despite being really 'shippy (okay, mainly about non-canon pairings, but still.) And possibly because in my heart-of-hearts, the only way I could get a true "happily ever after" moment would be for Buffy/Spike/Angel/Cordelia/Xander/Faith/Giles/Willow/Tara to have a big, unwieldy group marriage, and I somehow don't think I could get all the characters to go for that (but you know which ones would.)
Now, having said all of this, I don't dislike fic that is romantic or that ends with any of the pairings getting their Grease car-in-the-heavens "We'll Be Together" sendoff. One of my favorite fics to re-read is Green and Ladycat's "A Place Called Home" where Xander installs a shower in Spike's crypt and fixes it up for him and they fall in love over the Home Depotness of it all. But if that fic had ended with Spike saying, "Thanks for the shag and the drywall, Harris, now get the hell out of my crypt...unless you bring fabric samples next time..." I would have still been okay.
But I'm weird like that. One of my favorite Spuffy stories is one of my favorite Spuffy stories because of these lines:
From "Tooth and Nail" by KJ Draft
So either an I'm an angst whore, 'ship challenged or merely OTP deficient, but when it comes to 'shipper fic, I walk alone, and "All Out of Love" long ago gave way to "Cry Me a River."
It's not always about holding hands.
Wesley, Angel Season Four "Players"
Full-disclosure: Despite being a card carrying member of Generation X, I am not a child of divorce. I have also been married to my college sweetheart for almost 18 years and to say that our relationship is a happy one makes the word happy seem deficient. I don't know whether the following is because of that, or in spite of it.
I am a child of the 80s. I lay across my floral Laura Ashley bedspread (beneath Rick Springfield and Duran Duran posters) listening to Air Supply's All Out of Love and reading my mom's Harlequin and bodice-ripper novels. I don't have to tell you that romance novels were (are) formulaic and that for many of them, the big payoff is the "I love you" exchange on the final page of the book. It doesn't matter how many times the characters have sex, how many sets of twins they conceive or how many pirates, range wars or Fortune 500 companies they face down together, the emotional climax is always an "I love you! I've ALWAYS been in love with you!" epiphany right before "THE END."
I loved that as a teen. It was my big reward for slogging through heaving bosoms and throbbing manhoods and harem incarcerations or corporate takeovers.
And then the 90s happened and Kurt Cobain and Kathleen Hanna fueled my irony and cynicism and I started wearing the smudged eyeliner of gritty realism.
When I discovered fandom, I was surprised by how 'shippy it was. I was shocked by the 'ship wars, probably because I've never had a huge canon 'ship alliance. When Buffy/Angel was the the 'ship to know and love, I appreciated it for many reasons (I always loved her humor against his hesitance and simply their physical contrast. I will also cry every time they dance in "The Prom," but a lot that comes from my love of high school ritual in general and The Sundays in particular.) But when Buffy/Spike became "all the new cool thing" my reaction was...okay, picture Anya in the slides scene from the episode "Hush." When Giles shows his gory slides of The Gentlemen killing and taking hearts and the Scoobies look horrified but Anya eats her popcorn and shrugs philosophically? Pretty much my reaction to the switch in canon focus from Bangel to Spuffy.
I am an emotional 'shipper whore. I have read most, if not all, of the pairings one can 'ship in the Buffyverse (and lo, they are legion) and in the hands of a good writer and within the confines of their fic, I will believe that their chosen pairing works out in the end without ever stumbling over thoughts of, "But Buffy really loves X!" or "But Spike and (insert anyone here)'s love was eternal!"
Unless the writer solved that problem with "Because 'my chosen character' never loved the 'character to whom they professed canonical love' anyway!" At that point I'm just going to think, "Lazy writer! No cookie for you!"
But what I really love? When the writer doesn't give me that forever ending. When the story begins with a moment of connection and ends with an open-ended, "Could be. Maybe. If they're able to get over that gypsy curse, "Seeing Red" scene, magical addiction, wedding-that-wasn't or, you know, that just-not-being-canon thing."
I particularly like the angsty or ambiguous endings in non-canon, unconventional 'ships, whether they're f/f or m/m slash or not. Having been an alert observer of human behavior for 39 years (and one of those people others inexplicably confess things to) I can state within my own limited authority that people have sex (or even just a moment of connection) for many, many reasons. Loneliness. Despair. Frustration. Power-trips. Manipulation. Hell, even boredom. Or even something as simple as finding an inappropriate person inappropriately hot. Not always about holding hands, indeed.
I can believe a fic where Buffy and Xander have solace-sex post "Chosen" with absolutely no problem whatsoever. I'm going to think it's hot. I'm going to ache for both of them and their losses. But if the fic ends with a sudden profession of love, I'm going to be ruminating the rest of the day on their feelings for Spike and Angel and Anya and all of the realities of their fictional lives and I'll end in confusion and possibly pie.
By the same token, however, I would come to believe a fic that convinces me that Buffy and Xander or Xander and Spike or Spike and Angel or Buffy and Faith or Wes and Faith or Faith and Cordelia (you get the idea) arrived at an "I'm in love with you" moment as long as there was a sequence of events that lead to that point.
But honestly? I don't need it. Whether canon or unconventional pairings are used, I'm happiest when a fic shows why these characters shouldn't work together (vampire/slayer, Scooby/Person Who Hated Said Scooby), gives me a moment of connection (whether it involves smut or not) and then either leaves the ending open to my own imagination or demonstrates, again, why this can't work within the reality of the Buffyverse and sends the characters on their separate ways, a bit wiser but either accepting or dealing with the end of the relationship (or the fact that it never really began.)
I don't need my characters to be in love. I only need them to be in character.
Most of my favorite Spike/Xander stories are loves stories that aren't a love story. Most of my favorite B/A or Spuffy stories are angsty as hell. None of my favorite Faith stories have a finite happy ending (poor Faith.) The quickest way to get me to hit the back button on a fic is to tell me that Buffy's secretly been in love with Spike since "Something Blue" or that Xander has always loved Spike and secretly worries constantly for his safety or that Faith only strangled Xander because she loved him and, you know, she's just not that good with words.
Give me the angst! The sex! The humor! Tell me they hooked up because...it was a spell or that a wizard did it! I was commenting with
gabrielleabelle the other day about the believability of certain 'ships related to certain times in canon and she mentioned that there's "a shipper desire to have their pairing have a 'happily ever after' after all is said and done." She was speaking in general terms and I don't disagree with her, having read many a 'shipper fic in my day, but I believe that's when it dawned on me that I just really don't have that desire, despite being really 'shippy (okay, mainly about non-canon pairings, but still.) And possibly because in my heart-of-hearts, the only way I could get a true "happily ever after" moment would be for Buffy/Spike/Angel/Cordelia/Xander/Faith/Giles/Willow/Tara to have a big, unwieldy group marriage, and I somehow don't think I could get all the characters to go for that (but you know which ones would.)Now, having said all of this, I don't dislike fic that is romantic or that ends with any of the pairings getting their Grease car-in-the-heavens "We'll Be Together" sendoff. One of my favorite fics to re-read is Green and Ladycat's "A Place Called Home" where Xander installs a shower in Spike's crypt and fixes it up for him and they fall in love over the Home Depotness of it all. But if that fic had ended with Spike saying, "Thanks for the shag and the drywall, Harris, now get the hell out of my crypt...unless you bring fabric samples next time..." I would have still been okay.
But I'm weird like that. One of my favorite Spuffy stories is one of my favorite Spuffy stories because of these lines:
He speaks softly, genuinely pained. "If I walked across the world for you, you'd probably criticize the shoes I was wearing."
Buffy looks him dead in the eye, unemotional. "You'd probably wear stupid shoes."
From "Tooth and Nail" by KJ Draft
So either an I'm an angst whore, 'ship challenged or merely OTP deficient, but when it comes to 'shipper fic, I walk alone, and "All Out of Love" long ago gave way to "Cry Me a River."
