I Feel Just Like Paris Hilton...With Boobs

[crazydiamondsue]

Lately, my whole life has been an experiment in terror. When it comes to suffering, I'm right up there with Elizabeth Taylor. (Yes, Vin, that was for you.)

First thing: My website, Beauty Effulgent, is unavailable. Because I can't get into my hotmail account, I missed the notifications that ivillage is no longer hosting member websites. So that means my fics, my recs and my tiny archive are offline. As well as my mood theme, dammit!! 'Cause right now, pissed would be GREAT! They're offering to transfer the accounts to Lycos, but I liked ivillage - it was small and didn't have pop-ups. Crap.



Two months ago, I had a nice thing going on LJ. I had a WIP I enjoyed writing, a lively repartee with my flist and I was adored by hun...doz...at least six people.

Now I have a computer that must be travelling back from California to Oklahoma via carrier pigeon or stolen demon gang motorcycle. It's taking that long, anyway.

Also:

A website that doesn't work (may not EVER work?) and hours of linking put into it.

A house that won't be mine for another week and living my entire life in one bedroom, obsessively watching TV and reading Cosmo...okay, kinda like college, so really, kind of fun. Except no sex. Wait a second - exactly like college! (Kidding, Caza. Like freshman year, okay?)

An undying love of Spander that blinded me to all else. I get my computer at work back online and what have I read today?

I can't tell you everything about this, but a sneak peek of stoney321's Buffyverse parody of "Annie" written for Yin's ficathon. Let's just say it involves a song called, "It's a Hard Cock Life," and something so dirty!bad!wrong she's going to have to make several humanitarian gestures. In a word: it's fucking brilliant.

Also:

Spuffy like it was meant to be by uberaeryn
QaF RPS by adis723
Spangel Human AU prison fic by toobusy2write
and
Salon worthy Peace Corps stories by camisha

Oh! Wait!!! I read reremouse and camisha's "In From the Cold" tag fic. Ha! Spander 4-Ever!!!

I want my laptop (and the uncompleted last chapter of Sunday so that it can become the completed last part of Sunday). I want my new house (and someone else to move my furniture in.) I want my website back up and functioning. I want the phone to ring and someone else be responsible for answering it. (Sorry, random work thing.)

Again, this email was just made to inform anyone trying to access my website that it will be temporarily down until I figure out what's up with Lycos. All of this bitching was tongue-in-cheek, btw. Except about the website. I am wicked pissed about that.

Comments

[crazydiamondsue.livejournal.com]

Hell sounds so...wait a minute! You are going there. You're going to be lying across the bottom of the bed with my feet propped on your butt and Caza's drapping over your legs, watching Angel (very quietly with the closed captioning on) and chewing your Nutty Bars equally quietly so that they won't know you have food in the bedroom and that you didn't bless it before you ate it...

I'm kicking in $5 toward your donation to Blanks with Blanks because it's so wrong it's right...

The website sucks! I hate that, because it was such a low maintenance site. And my hits were over 3,000! And now I have to start over. *pout*

[stoney321.livejournal.com]

What would be REALLY fun is if I showed up at your in-laws with a prairie skirt, flannel shirt buttoned everywhere there's a button, had my hair in a braid with an Angel Bang and asked them if they knew who Joseph Smith was, and that they can be Gods one day?

OH MY GOD. I'm totally coming up right now to do that.

[crazydiamondsue.livejournal.com]

I laughed so hard I think I deviated a septum. Dude - last night there was a special report on "The Fleecing of America" regarding senior citizens as the victims of scams. Eddie said, rhetorically, "It's always the seniors." His parents both jumped in with, "Well, that's because they grew up in a country where you could trust people - a country where someone's word meant something." Eddie, being a smartass: "What country's that?" Eddie's mom (not understanding ass of smarts): "The United States!" Eddie's dad: "When the United States was free!"

That is so something I'd yell out, ala the Simpsons, to mock conservative paranoia. I bit a hole in my lip trying not to howl. Ah, good times. Throw on the prairie skirt and grab The Book of Mormon and come on!

[julia-here.livejournal.com]

Maybe you could buy them a copy of Stephanie Coontz's The Way Things Never Were as a thank-you gift after you move out?

I mean, they can't be that much older than me... I mean, of course, 34,000 or so, beore there werehumans on this continent?

Julia, remembering a whole lot of no fun at all in the 'fifties